I just got back from indo yesterday night.  I love everything about it there. I miss my grandmother already. she's the best. the wisest woman i've known so far and probably i'll ever know. i can't believe i have to go through separation again.

my college days has been ok. it's getting better by the days. i've met a couple of new friends. i still miss my other friends that i haven't seen. hung out with crystal the other day. so i haven't write in a long time. today started out bad and i know it will be better. what i thought was a complete joke, turned out to be a disaster. i have forgive a lot of people and when i ask for forgiveness for a joke somehow i didn't get it. maybe it's not a joke to them, but hey i'm telling the truth it was meant to be a joke. i've made improvements though from this self-pity, self-destruction feeling. oh well at least my God understands everything.

ah these days feel so dull and empty. i hate this ! i hate depression! help me.

The Man in Satan's Grip When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. -Isaiah 59:19 In Mark 5, the Bible tells us of a man who was possessed by demons, had superhuman strength and was able to break chains with his bare hands. This man lived among the tombs and on the mountains. He was a dangerous and a frightening man. But underneath this horrendous exterior was a tortured soul. It's a picture of Satan's ultimate goal. This is really what the devil wants to do. He wants to destroy your life. Although it is true God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, it also is true that Satan hates you and has a horrible plan for your life. The devil knows his judgment is certain. He knows that Jesus is indeed coming again. Therefore he is pulling out all the stops. He is redoubling his efforts. The good news is that although the devil will be at work, God will also be at work. The Bible says, "When the enemy comes in like a flood,the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him" (Isaiah 59:19). This story had a very happy ending-Jesus came into this poor tortured man's life and made him into an altogether different kind of a person. Jesus cast out the legion of demons, which went into a herd of pigs and ran over a cliff. It was a dramatic transformation for this man. Jesus can transform your life, too. Let Him lift up a standard against the enemy in your life, today. ~Harvest~ Greg Laurie Based on my experience, this article has a big impact on my life. the choice is yours, whoever's reading may you make the right choice.

summer has been ok. i've been working and doing absolutely nothing. anyways, today i went out and the day pretty much has been ok. i kinda miss doing some stuff. i just miss laughing until my stomach hurts and just make jokes without other people get hurt. i dont know weird i guess. everything else has been ok. i'm hoping to hang out with my friends soon. today i got worried again but it's alright now. i have learned not to dislike other people. i think i used to be a bitter, corrupted person but i'm much better now. i learned not to look at other people's faults because their mistakes will be endless if we look at the negative sides. i learn to keep quiet and think more. i'm not so worried about the future now. i'm thankful to have a wonderful family, friends, God, and my loved one.

i have this feeling right now that is weird. i feel unhappy but i don't know why. it's like i'm scared that something's gonna happen. i don't want to stay at home. i want to go outside stay there. i wish there's somewhere i can go right now. i want to be alone. today is a complete waste of time. i expected to do more. i hate this. i hate what i did. i hate this feeling. aH! i feel like screaming. crying. screaming some more. wish someone would understand. but NO ONE can.

so today, i was about to walk to the bus stop to work, then ronald was online. i was talking to him for the whole day. he doesn't have to go to a meeting anymore so he's taking me to work. wow i dont have to take the bus in this hot weather. God is so good. i was praying earlier too. tomorrow i'm working again.. hmm... it's been alright. i'm worried about sf now.. o well. i'll find a way. gotta rest not before work!

i haven't been sleeping well these past few days. i hate these sleepless nights make me think a lot about irrelevant and stupid stuff. i'm so frustrated. these past few days, it seems like i disapointed a lot of people. people that i actually love. and it seems that i've been making the same mistakes over and over again. i've been thinking a lot. sometimes i don't know which one is right or not. i know that sometimes i can be really selfish, but other times i think my explanations are reasonable. o well. i'm tired!

i'm sick today so i called in sick and i dont have to work. i need a day off anyways.. i need a day to rest and to think and to do a bunch of stuff. i'm still worried about my registration but it's ok i guess everything will be ok. nothing much had happened i guess. i'm going to sf in like a week.

Mami's birthday today. yesterday we bought her a cake and surprised her at 12. it was great. today was ok i guess. she got mad at me again. i was really annoyed at everything but o well. i got over it. i shouldnt be annoyed. i miss all the joking around. i hope i'lll find that again. i'm tired now. i've been going to sleep really late lately. i'm gonna go to bed now.